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One of my goals in 2015 is to visit 12 museums, and to share details about those visits with you. Museums are great places to hide, to socialize, to think, to listen to audiobooks or music and to wander. They are also places to collect inspiration, to ponder, to absorb, to grow and to learn. Hopefully one of my visits will inspire one of yours.
MUSEUM VISIT 6/12: THE MUSEUM OF SEX
DATE OF VISIT: 1 MAY 2015
This museum was awesome. I bounced in a full-size bouncehouse made of boobs, went rock climbing on a wall where all the rocks were made of genitalia, learned about the sexual habits of all kinds of animals, and saw the original film reel for Deep Throat (and learned about its cultural significance, and major impact on the film industry).
This museum is really fantastic. Whether you are someone that can't even say the word 'sex' out loud or you are someone that...can?....this museum is well-done and accessible to anyone no matter your level of comfort with the subject matter.
I left the museum feeling really balanced, so to speak. I had explored the subject of 'sex' in a variety of ways: physically (This post is getting hard to write. Everything looks like innuendo. But I climbed a rock wall, went through a life-size mirror maze to find a clitoris and jumped in a boob bounce house.), scientifically (bed bug reproduction and Amazon river dolphin blowhole sex, I'm looking at you), culturally (Linda Lovelace and Deep Throat), artistically (dress made of condoms), and personally. The museum sets you up to think about your own relationship to sex, your ideas about it, how you were raised with (or without) the subject being a topic of discussion and what you think about it now. When I was standing in line at the bouncehouse made of boobs (I went by myself to this museum, by the way) I remember standing there thinking....I've never seen a bouncehouse in a museum. I've never seen a bounce house made of BOOBS. Are those nipples? Of all shapes and sizes?....yes, yes they are. Wait, this is sex-related? It was really fun that as an adult I found myself in line to go jump in a bouncehouse made of boobs. Anyway, the museum is great about disarming your hoity-toityness about sex (if you have any of that).
THREE THINGS THAT REALLY STRUCK ME:
1. Coffee and Wine When you're done touring the museum, you end up on the first floor where a coffee and wine bar is located. It's a great nook, and also a great place to have a meeting. "Meet me at the coffee bar in the Museum of Sex." There are plenty of tables, seating and menu options. I am going back here next time I'm in NYC to work and catch up on email. It's also a great way to 'finish' your museum tour....with food and caffeine. No smoking inside though. :)
2. The Balance of Subject Matter Angles I didn't know what to expect at this museum. I guess I thought maybe it would be super in-your-face about sex, and then I wondered if it would be super extreme in the other direction and very scientific. This museum had an incredible balance to the angles with which it explored the topic of sex. During my visit, I enjoyed viewing a variety of art which explored sexuality, got some physical exercise (rock climbing wall, life size maze, bouncehouse), absorbed some scientific information about animal sexuality and reproduction, and learned more about the sexual culture of the United States in the 1970s. I learned a lot. And, if I had been uncomfortable with one of the approaches to sex in the museum, I would have had a ton of other options to explore. I think this was really well done. A+ MoSex, A+.
3. Visitors. I noticed that I was paying attention to the museum visitors by the end of my visit. I believe there was a bachelorette party, a couple on what seemed to be a very awkward first date (the gentleman gave his lady friend a lift onto a penis mounted to the rock climbing wall, she was very concerned with her skirt, which was barely covering her rear, as she climbed the wall of genitalia), an older couple talking about what they remembered when Deep Throat came out, and quite a few business-type men and women just there taking it all in. It's diverse, and you'll fit right in if you ever decide to go.
1. Check out the website (link below).
2. The gift shop is a great spot to find sex-related books, toys (yep, that kind), and related items. I was really interested in the design of the gift shop with its lighting, textures and sound. If you are an interiors person, you would probably appreciate it. You enter the museum through the gift shop. The museum is upstairs.
3. Exhibits change regularly. Always a sign of a healthy, active museum!
The Museum of Sex
Address: 233 5th Ave. New York, NY 10016
Phone: (212) 689-6337
I gave a TED talk in March of 2015.
In this post, I'm going to:
- Answer the questions I got about the experience
- Share what I learned, and how I prepared
- Let you see my talk for yourself. Let's start with that!
Here's the TED talk, Lifted By Little Deaths:
YOU CAN ALWAYS BE A BETTER PUBLIC SPEAKER
I am very fortunate to have already had a significant amount of public speaking experience under my belt before doing this. It helped tremendously because I was already familiar with what it's like to give a talk on a subject without notes or a script. One thing that often gets overlooked is that standing in front of a room full of people staring at you while you talk is reallllllly weird. Especially when you aren't actually doing anything but moving your mouth. If you've not spoken in public before or not spoken in a format like this, I strongly recommend doing a rehearsal with friends or family as far in advance as possible, even if your talk isn't finished. When you do these rehearsals, you will discover what your body decides to do when everyone is staring at you while you talk. And that means you have time to remove these distractions long before you give your actual talk.
I improved as a speaker significantly through the TED process. I wrote this talk specifically for TED and it helped me in my professional work as well, because I had to put a lot of focus and thought into my talk. I rehearsed the ever-living-hell out of this talk and it was all that I was focused on the week of. I gave the talk in the shower, to my coworkers, to my dogs, to my spouse, to the wall and to the ceiling while I laid in bed before I fell asleep at night. All that rehearsal and preparation made me a better speaker because I was able to identify and eliminate several vocal and body tics I had developed at some point. I also gained a new level of confidence and experience with focused, vocal delivery.
I look forward to more public speaking in the future!
DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO FEEL CONFIDENT
If you are not in control, it will show in your voice. If you are not feeling confident, it will show in your voice.
When people watch a speaker, they are making all kinds of judgements about the material, about you and about the points you are making. If you have a shaky voice, viewers will naturally question your authority on the subject.
When I speak, I feel my best and do my best when I feel put together. For this talk, I wore a structured, fitted dress that I was comfortable in, went and got my hair done professionally the morning of and made sure I had my stage makeup on that day. When I look my best, I feel my best. And when I feel my best, my best work shines through. And I don't have a shaky voice.
ELIMINATE DISTRACTION FOR YOURSELF
For me, distraction would be hair that I wasn't happy with or an outfit that I would be uncomfortable in. Plus, this talk was going to be video recorded.....no re-dos! Eliminate things that would be distracting for you. Why? You will be distracted.
ELIMINATE DISTRACTION FOR YOUR AUDIENCE
People don't want to hear 'um' every other word. They also don't want to see you do that weird thing with your hands over and over, either. They'll fixate on those things rather than your talk.
Give your talk to friends and family and ask them to pay attention to any body or vocal tics. Maybe you are snapping your fingers, or rocking back and forth weirdly, or you're saying 'um' or 'like' every few words—you won't know unless you rehearse like it's real and ask people to identify the weird stuff you're doing when you're speaking.
Really actually rehearse. It shows.
ASK FOR FEEDBACK FROM EXPERIENCED SPEAKERS AND TAKE THEIR ADVICE
I asked a few people who have more speaking experience than I do for advice. Then I took their advice. Be sure to reach out to others for support, and then actually listen to what they are saying. :) There are people that are smarter than you, better than you and more experienced than you. Why the hell would you not listen to their advice?!
Questions I Got Asked about my TED Talk
How did you decide on the subject of your talk? My professional area of interest focuses on grief, loss, resilience and authenticity. I'm particularly interested in the areas of resiliency and personal authenticity as they develop through instances of loss. That, I realize, probably sounds like whaaaaa? and I totally understand, but that's what I'm really, really interested in. We all experience loss. And we all either learn from it and grow or it holds us back for as long as we let it. Either way, that loss shapes who we become. I'm interested in that part of life, and that part of 'people'.
The TED event I spoke at had a theme—Rise and Reimagine. I needed to relate my talk to that theme. So, I did.
How many times did you rehearse? My goal in the 10 days leading up to the talk was to rehearse it end-to-end 40 times. I succeeded.
What was it like to give a TED talk? Awesome! Now that it's over! Haha. I took it very seriously because to me, it was a big deal to have been nominated (still don't know who nominated me) and then chosen as a speaker. I have great respect for TED and I have watched many TED talks that have been tremendously helpful and engaging. I wanted to make sure I contributed something of value, and I hoped that my talk would be something that might help others. I hoped to give a talk that would be worth sharing.
The TED organization has these events down pat. I had a TED coach, did a dress rehearsal a couple days before the actual event, and worked via email with the TED team in the weeks prior. They helped me refine the talk and also made suggestions.
How did you prepare? I watched other TED talks about public speaking, I read through this website on public speaking, and I took time to write a talk that was researched, sourced and followed a clear story arc. Then, I made sure to rehearse. If you don't put the effort into writing a cohesive, researched talk, it will show in the end product no matter how much you rehearsed.
The morning of, I got my hair done at High Five Salon with Samantha Moyer, did my own makeup, and had a nice breakfast and light lunch. Check out the smoothness of that hair! It stayed like that for DAYS.
Where'd you get that dress? The dress I wore for my TED talk is from Rent the Runway. When I speak, I generally use Rent the Runway for my outfitting. I've been to their showroom in Las Vegas (I strongly recommend doing that if you are near one) and I'm a Pro subscriber. It's so, so worth it to me. I like to keep a small closet at home, and the last thing I need are dozens of dresses. The other thing I keep in mind is that everything is documented on social media these days. I could do a whole post about the benefits of Rent the Runway but I'll save that for another time.
And with all this in mind, I'd like to share my sister's TED talk she gave several years ago. I love her talk and find it inspirational every single time I watch it. I also realize now after watching her talk again that she and I have a connecting thread between our talks....vision and blindness!
Here's my sis!
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I like this one.
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One of the core values in my life has migrated, over the years, to become a core value of my company. It is:
Time is almost always a necessary ingredient.
We live in a world of NOW. There is no replacement for time.
Take extra time if you need it, and explain that sometimes, time is a necessary ingredient.